now i know how people feel when they say they hate their lives. bt no. i don't hate my life. i love my life as it is. i love my family. they are always there for me. bt i mean you can't possibly share everything with your family. no matter how understanding they are. its just a no no. i really love my life. bt i just don't like some parts of it. ok. i know there isn't such thing as a perfect life in this world. there are ups and downs. bt sometmes i just dunno how to feel when things happen. i can be very happy and crazy at times till i can laugh no more. i can be sad at times till that i don't even have any more tears to cry. i can be angry at times to the extend that i just blame and hate myself for whatever happened. yes. i am supposed to be the crazy, happy, lively, irritating ellyana whom anyone would feel at ease with. whom they can confide in. bt sometimes i just feel that i am lying to myself. and ppl who can lie to themself are lonely ppl. bt i am nt lonely. i mean i have a whole bunch of crazy ppl around me. they just know how to make me smile. bt its just that sometimes when i am troubled i just feel that there isn't anyone to talk to. ok. i know i have my friends. i have my besties. bt sometimes i just can't talk to them. somehow i still feel that there is this thing that prevent me from saying anything to them. i just don't want to add to their burdens cause i know they have theirs. i've always been the one listening and giving advices bt when it comes to myself. i don't even know how to advice myself. and these all brng back to the time when i'm with you. i just feel free. its you whom has always been the one listening to my troubles. whines. cry. woes. i just feel that i can say anithng. in fact prctically everythng to you. i feel very assured. yes so it all started when i broke off with him and you were there for me all those times. you were a stranger that time bt i just told you. so thats when i feel we really can click off cause ellyana isn't usually a person who would tell ppl about her problems. so then was it when we became friends. best friends. confidant. a close confidant to my heart. bt it all change. maybe thats why they say that you can't like your best friend. cause when thngs happen. you might just lose you friendship. maybe it was a one-sided thing on my part. bt i know its nt. you assure me of that. seriously when relations change. expectations do change. i don't even realise when all this fights started. slowly its just like a silent agreement where we feel that we can be confidants no more. three years is long. and i mean very long. mayb we should not like each from the start. then maybe i would not have lost my confidant. the onlie one where i can pour out all my woes to. then maybe i would not feel like i hate like my life. i just feel very dumb right now to have nt forget about you for long long time. it seems like you are very happy with your life right now. a life without me in it. you seem to have forgotten me and move on. i feel very dumb to have been clinging on. no matter how i may like someone else. it just feels diff. is just doesn't feel right. it just seems that i am finding you in that someone. it would onlie hurt me and him more. and it will just nt work out. ellyana. don't be dumb. forget him. you're happy as it is. yes you are. you are that crazy. happy. lively, irritating ellyana.
TheLady ♥
11:45 PM
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